


Xanny

by texs_sins



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clubbing, Drunk Sex, Drunk Texting, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, References to Drugs, Rough Sex, Texting, Top!Rk900
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:33:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28940016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texs_sins/pseuds/texs_sins
Summary: After months of a messy break up, a very high Gavin texts his ex hoping for one more night together. In an attempt of keeping his pride, Nines and Gavin try to get a reaction of out of the other that can answer one question "Does he still love me?". The actions, however, confused both of them.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. Wake up call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a lonely night, drugs take over Gavin's mind, giving him the courage he needs to contact his ex.

As far as Nines knows, Gavin broke up with him months ago for a misunderstanding. As far as Gavin knows, Nines cheated on him with someone else. Both, being as temperamental as they were back then, couldn’t bring themselves to listen or talk. The screaming and cursing broke their hearts. It didn’t take long for Gavin to be, again, alone. Nines asking to be transferred somewhere else made it “easier” to forget about each other.

Something, however, Gavin fought for a long time was the urge of calling him every time he got high. Feeling anxious, heartbroken, looking for answers and thinking, if maybe that day were different, if he decided to listen, would things be different?

If the shame of denigrating himself and talking to him was gone, Nines would be texting him every now and then, when the memories ate him alive. When the thought of having him felt so good, and opening his eyes remind him of being alone, he wished he could crush his pride. He knew, Gavin was hurt, and he didn’t want to get back to the toxicity of both wanting to have the last word every time they fought. He knew, Gavin was better off without him.

And he truly believed that. Even if it hurts.

There was the man, walking on the street, looking for something on the lonely town full of memories and thoughts. Of the first time he ever loved. Sitting down on an abandoned park, taking out his phone, he scrolled through his contacts and saw again, the number he could religiously recite. It had been so long since he last talked to him. And even if he thought the situation couldn’t be fixed, he craved for the man of the blue eyes. He craved for the touch of the one who promised would be there, always.

Thinking what he could possibly do to stop hurting, one single thought never left his mind. “But you won’t” Asking for something that he knew, Nines probably would be willing to do. “Or would you?” To screw him over, like any other guy. To have him one more time, then maybe the pain would find its way out. Maybe that would help him see Nines as something else. Something he isn’t.

“What the fuck am I doing?” His text messages were open. “Fucking hell…” And his mind was yelling. “Ah—” For him to forget about his pride too, and look for answers.

Standing up, mad at himself, he went back to his place. Getting naked, keeping his underwear, he lay down on his bed. Looking for his sedative, he sat down to smoke some of it. Closing his eyes and with every hit, convincing himself of why it was worth the shot. “Why do I care anyway?” He mumbled, relaxing his muscles and laying down again. “If he ever saw me as a good lay, what the fuck am I gonna lose?” Laughing, he closed his eyes and bury his face on the pillow. “The fuck does he think he is? Two can play that game” The lies of the one whose pain forces him to convince himself and fit in the whatever narrative makes him feel better.

Taking his phone, scrolling, opening, typing. The lies and deceit that he alone was doing read:

_“Did you die in Ohio?”_

And, in the other side of the city, the phone of a man who was trying his best to read a book ringed. One sound he knew belonged to one contact. Feeling troubled, his LED showed the emotions that the little noise provoked. Standing up, he grabbed his phone and read the message. Frowning but giggling a little, he hesitated in texting him back. What could be the reason Gavin decided to talk to him after so long? If he knew he was better off without him, he thought to himself “I shouldn’t”, but the inner happiness that his heart felt couldn’t help him. And he didn’t put on fight.

_“How many times am I going to tell you androids don’t die?”_

Sitting down on his bed, the brunette jumped when his phone ringed. Reading the text and slapping his face. In his effort of remaining calm, another text came in.

_“Why are you still awake? It’s really late.”_

Sighing, he lay down again, reading and imagining his voice saying such things.

_“Texting a friend, why are you still awake?”_

_“Texting a friend back”_

“Friend, uh?” Nines mumbled, shaking his head and going to his room. Laying in bed and turning off the lights. Seeing through the window the moon covering the town. “You better stick with these words, Reed”

 _“What are you doing tonight?”_ Gavin typed.

_“Read your intoxicated messages, I suppose.”_

_“Is that bad?”_

_“Not really. Amusing, probably.”_

_“Amusing?”_

_“After months of not talking, you suddenly decide to do it. It’s funny.”_

_“Want me to be really funny?”_ The intoxication of the brunette. _“I’m really lonely tonight”_

That wasn’t something you would say to a friend, Nines’ thought.

_“Turn on the TV. Make some noise”_

_“I am making noises. The loneliness doesn’t leave.”_

The memories, the echo in his head, he remembered everything. And Nines knew, this could be dangerous.

 _“Are you back in Detroit?”_ Read the message, hesitant to tell him the truth.

_“Who knows.”_

Because he knew Gavin so well, he could think of the different scenarios and his real intentions. Gavin’s pride was as strong as his. But when it came to desires, he knew both of their weakness was an open invitation. “What are you doing?” Asked the blue-eyed man, feeling his phone ringed again.

_“I see how it is, sorry”_

“Ah, god dammit” He let out, covering his face with both hands, leaving his phone on the bed.

Gavin on the other hand, was doing exactly the same. Leaving his phone on his night table, he turned off the lights and continued smoking. High enough to not feel any remorse, the time passed in that little apartment, where his clothes were pilled in the corner and numerous bottles of alcohol made the floor look like a puzzle. Sitting on the floor, he felt his feet cold, and looking down, the pain that was once in his heart was gone.

The reasoning behind a brain on drugs was strange. He knew what he had done, but couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel the anguish of his heartbreak, instead, the courage that took him to contact him, was the same that lead him to fall asleep peacefully on the floor.

 _“I’m back in Detroit”_ Sent the message the blue-eyed man. Hoping for an answer for hours, realizing Gavin was probably mad or upset, and regretted talking to him. He felt stupid. For whatever reasons Gavin decided to contact him, he should have acted normal. Like one would do while “talking to a friend”. Overthinking, probably, was the worst quality of the android that was now, feeling hopeless.

The night came to an end. The alarm of Gavin woke him up, jumping from the floor and running to the shower. Getting on his car, his head hurt a little. Driving while checking he had everything he needed on the car, he arrived at the Police Department, parking and entering the building with his “I’ve been better, please don’t talk to me” type of face. Everyone of course, respected such desire.

Sitting on his desk next to no one, he started revisiting a case he needed to solve alone. Analyzing the evidence, he heard the voice of Connor, Nines’ twin, approaching his partner, Hank, behind Gavin. Every time he saw Connor it was painful reminder of the reality he missed. No one knew about their relationship, and when Nines was transferred everyone assumed it was because he got tired of Gavin’s shit and conflicts. No one, really, had a clue about what was really happening.

And Gavin never tried to talk about it.

“Hey Reed, you got my text?” He heard Tina, his best friend, approaching him. “Tonight, is Chris’ party, are you coming or not?”

“Ah— I didn’t check my phone” He replied, looking at his friend’s coffee and grabbing it, drinking some of it, then giving it back. “Sorry, but I think I’ll go, it’s not a Friday if we are not a drunk mess”

“A hot mess, in my case” Gavin nodded, rolling his eyes, chuckling a little and looking briefly, his phone laying in his desk. “What’s wrong?”

Obviously, “no one” didn’t include Tina. She was sharper than anyone else there. She knew about their relationship, and tried her best to convince Gavin and Nines to listen to each other’s versions of events. Even trying to tell them about the other’s situations, they both shut her up. Which didn’t sit well with her. Being Gavin Reed’s best friend included being a bad bitch when needed. Who else would put Gavin on his place?

“Nothing, I’m just—” Tina frowned, crossing her arms, giving him a very judging look. “ _Dude,_ chill, I’m tired”

“Yeah, sure” Taking his phone, Gavin attempted to grab it before she read their conversation. “ _Oh_ , he’s back” Without mentioning his name, Gavin gasped and that gave her all the information she needed.

“He is?” Tina looked at him in silence, seeing how he read the text himself and the light came to his face, as soon as he did. “Oh, he is”

“Oh no, no” She repeated, taking the phone away again. “You are stupid when that man is around, you gotta put yourself together first Gavin, before putting anyone else”

“ _Oh, shut up_ ” He said, grabbing his phone, again. “Don’t act like my mom, I’m very old”

“And very stupid too” Gavin frowned and rolled his eyes, correcting his posture and looking at his monitor again, protecting his phone to be taken away again. _“Gavin”_

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know” He whispered, sighing. “I was high”

“That’s your excuse?!”

Grabbing people’s attention, Gavin stood up and reached for his friend’s hand. Taking her to the break room, closing the door once they were in. “So?”

“I thought It would be good to catch up, that’s all” But Tina wasn’t having it. “If you read the full convo, you’ll know, once I felt I was making him uncomfortable I stopped, literally, that’s how it happened”

“Mhm…” Gavin nodded, trying to convince her. But the problem wasn’t whenever Gavin wished to contact a _friend,_ Tina was thinking of Nines’ behalf. On his own good. Since these men were emotionally stupid, she had to look out for them constantly. “Listen, whenever you are both trying to reconnect as friends, the truth is you’re weak for that man, and you’ll end up doing stupid shit like you always do”

“I won’t!”

“I’m warning you” She said. “I’m not your mom, I can’t just take your phone away and tell you to not contact him, but listen to my words and mark them” Coming closer to him, she pointed with her middle finger Gavin’s chest, hitting it softly. “Nines loves you, and you know you still do, but together you’re just disaster and that will _fuck you up”_

“You’re being irrational, I literally just wanted to talk to him and see what’s up, no need to threatened me” His efforts were useless.

He knew Tina was right.

Leaving the room, Tina’s whole energy changed to a one exclusively annoyed and pissed. While Gavin himself wasn’t in a good mood for the emotional ride he decided to jump to last night, seeing Tina angry scared him. Because, if someone knew how to remind Gavin of his own flaws without getting a punch in the face, was her.

Looking at his phone, when he wasn’t high, the urge of texting him was manageable. Because his pain didn’t hurt that much when he could think of something else. But in those times, all he could think of was him.

Saving his phone on the desk, he continued his day as If nothing happened.

And then, night came around.

“Are we really just going to Chris’ house?” Tina nodded. “Yo, that’s disappointing”

“Why?” She asked, approaching his friend and grabbing onto his arm. Frowning.

“I thought we were going to get wasted at a club, it’s fucking Friday” Chris and the others were walking towards them, Tina punching Gavin’s lungs made him lose air for some seconds until he composed himself again. Following the crew, the annoyed brunette tried his best to be socially acceptable at a party. Everyone liked to drink with Gavin Reed after all. He was pleasant being drunk.

Once they arrived, Chris welcomed everyone to an actually really pretty house. It was spacious enough to start a family, at least that’s what Gavin thought Chris was hoping for in the future.

Discovering the alcohol, everyone partnered up with someone and started joking around of each other. Leaning in with their partners, Tina was making fun of Gavin’s nose and dark circles, calling him a raccoon. He didn’t mind, he was drunk. If anything, the only one who was sober enough to enjoy the party was Chris.

“Want some?” Asked a detective, showing Gavin a little bad full of weed. “Or you are don’t fond of—”

“Hell yeah, give me some of that” The detective laughed and shared.

And maybe, if Tina was sober enough, she would have stop him from smoking some of it. Because when time passed and the party was almost dead, Gavin’s text messages were demanding to be seen. The strength he had to fight back was nonexistent, and the numbness that being intoxicated represented, made him weaker. 

_“I want to see you”_

He typed.

_“I assume you are intoxicated. It’s late.”_

He saw.

_“You never cared when I had some.”_

Leaving Chris’ house, he saw the moon welcoming him back.

_“I’m aware of that.”_

_“Then what’s stopping you?”_

Leaning on a light pole, the brunette stared at his phone. Leaning on his wall next to the bathroom, the blue-eyed android stared at his. Getting out of the shower, he was preparing everything for days later. His things unpacked on the floor; Nines was trying his best to decorate his apartment the best way he could. Staring at Gavin’s clothes that were forgotten, he sat down on his bed and grabbed one shirt he actually really loved. Looking at it for some minutes, he sighed and closed his eyes, hopeless.

Wanting to make the right choice, he doubted why it felt so bad. Why, if this was the right decision, it hurt so much? To deny what his heart desired. To deny the craving that he had been fighting for so long every time night came around. Sleeping alone. Used to seeing the body of the man that stole everything he had.

_“You won’t understand.”_

He thought, ever since Gavin broke up with him for “cheating”, every trace of love was vanished from his heart. He thought, Gavin didn’t love him anymore, and was just having an attack of some kind. Of what could be anxiety or lust.

Deep down, Nines wished Gavin would come back to him, for love. Not anything else.

 _“Try me”_ Begged the brunette, walking on the street, waiting for a taxi to appear.

“This stupid beast” The heat. “Isn’t this the right thing to do?” The pain. “Why are you so self-destructive?” He didn’t know, who was he talking to. “Why are you…?”

 _“I can be at your place in 5 minutes.”_ Nines read. _“Just for tonight.”_

“If I was that strong, I would say yes with no hesitation” The blue-eyed man said, trying his best to resist the temptation. “What the hell are you doing, really?”

One taste could be deathly. Nines knew. If he were to have him again, he was scared of not having enough once again. Gavin was intoxicating. The sounds the man made, were repeating themselves like an echo on his head. Biting his lips, he closed his eyes and hide his face with his hands. 

_“Remember who I am, Gavin”_ He typed. _“You will regret this tomorrow day.”_

_“Regret has never killed me before. It’s not gonna do it today.”_

Gavin was out of control. Waiting, swaying between the memories of the day he yelled his heart out and the nights where Nines’ touch was all he could think of, he decided.

_“I want you to fuck me tonight.”_

That he was better off fucking himself over, letting the man fucking him over.

_“Come over.”_

And Nines decided too, that if the pain would never cease. He might as well embrace it.

Following his direction. The brunette didn’t think twice. Taking out his jacket, he lighted one cigarette before leaving the taxi. Rushing to the building and looking for the right number, when he spotted the correct door, he knocked twice.

Once it opened, there he was. The eyes that he desperately wanted to see. Staring at each other, they didn’t know what to say. For instance, they didn’t know how to start, and Nines’ door closed just as slowly as Gavin’s thinking progress went. In the dark, they saw each other and thought, that it wasn’t too late to stop all of this. Nines’ hand never left the door knob, holding it while thinking to himself. _“I should stop this”._

**“You know you want me”**

But he couldn’t resist.


	2. Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines tries to convince Gavin the text was a mistake. Gavin himself doesn't know the answer.

The lights, the coldness of the night, everything went off.

Coming closer to his lips, Nines hesitated for a moment, seeing the man he awfully loved in front of him, wanting to be his, desiring to be taken. His breath was enough for Nines to know how intoxicated he was. “I won’t abuse you” Mumbled, making Gavin frowned, confused. “You are drunk, you wouldn’t do this if you were sober”

“Who was the one who texted you?” Whispered the brunette, looking directly at his eyes. “You invited me to come over to play chess? What the—”

“Forgive me” Coming closer to his neck, the hands of Nines turned white, Gavin noticing it right away, feeling something burning on his chest. A sensation, warm sensation, filled his head. And closing his eyes, he felt a strong vibration through his spine and suddenly…

The numbness was all he could think of.

**

Opening his eyes, Gavin woke up in a different room that he didn’t recognize right away. Looking around, he saw himself covered with a blanket in a very special way. Knowing exactly who would usually put him to bed like that, he opened his eyes and walked to the door, opening it and looking around on the apartment. Thinking to himself it was a really nice place, he leaned on the wall and waited for his head to calm down.

“You’re awake” He heard a singular voice coming through the living room, staring motionless to the brunette whose face was a mess. “You can go whenever you feel like it, I bought some medicine for your head if you want to take it”

“Thanks” Gavin whispered, approaching the man and remembering what happened last night, feeling guilty of doing and saying whatever he said. “It’s a…” Knowing Nines made the right decision that night, he sighed, hopeless. “How was it there in Ohio? All good?”

“It was good, the police department in there is really interesting” Gavin nodded. “What about you? How is Tina?”

“You would know, you talk to her after all” Nines chuckled and nodded, smiling. Making the brunette stare at his expression, he felt his heart ache again. Looking at the table, he spotted the medicine Nines had told him yesterday. “But all good, yeah” The way Gavin lied hadn’t change one bit. Nines recognize the way he pressed his lips onto each other and caressed his hands, as a way of comforting himself from the hurt that he didn’t want him to see.

“You don’t sound so confident” Mumbles the blue-eyed, Gavin taking the pills and drinking them with a glass of water that was next to them. He looked at Nines, smiling defeated, shaking his head trying to come back to normal.

“Well, you don’t sound so honest either” Leaving the glass of water in the table, Gavin’s hand approached his face, his fingers touching Nines’ LED, turning from yellow to orange, his skin retracting and showing a white material. “Your body however, is honest”

Staring at the brunette’s eyes, he tried his best to not say anything that could lead to misunderstandings. Gavin thinking to himself, that he was glad his skin still retracted to white whenever he touched him. That was, oddly, something he was anxious about. “Trying your best to think of what to say?”

“Yeah,” Said Nines. “I’m glad to see you’re doing fine—”

“Thought you said I wasn’t being honest” Gavin mumbled, turning his back on him and going back to his bedroom, looking for his phone and keys that he didn’t feel on his pockets, coming back to the hallway between the bedroom and the living room, he stared for some minutes at the blue-eyed man, who was, still, trying to process the whole night and their texts. “I’m sorry, I won’t contact you again, I promise” Mumbled the brunette, Nines’ LED turning red for a moment grabbed his attention, but limit himself to turn his back and open the door.

Leaving.

“I didn’t say that” Consoling himself, grabbing his neck and closing his eyes, he stared at his hands and remembered what happened last night. Seeing Gavin in that state, with those eyes staring at him. Full of lust and desire, he wanted to make him his. And, as the narrative goes, he also wanted to cry. Embracing his sadness, how bad could that be? If he were to really do that, how honest would his actions be?

“I should…” Run to him and apologize. “I need…” To say he wanted to have him just as bad as he did too. “I—” But didn’t know what was the right thing to do.

Walking on the street, Gavin tried his best to not cry in the middle of it. He saw a lot of people passing by, and everyone stared at him for the fucked-up expression on his face. Thinking that Tina was right, he wished he couldn’t feel anything at all and bury his pain.

About how much he wanted to go back in time and do things differently. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he scrolled through his contacts and deleted Nines’ phone number. And that, as simple as it seems, made him lose it.

Nearby there was a little lake, where he sat down and stared at the water for some time, tears falling through his cheeks. Just like that. The weekend ended with him not knowing how to stop them.

**

Monday. A beautiful day to show to work with a fucked-up face and a fake ass smile. Having deleting his phone number, he blocked it too after a while. He even turned off his phone in case Tina were to scold him. Coming in the department, he saw hos the desk next to his was filled with two big boxes, the computer already turned on. “Reed, to my office” He heard, suddenly, his boss calling for him, coming out the break room. He realized a lot of people were staring at him, and for some reason that made him angry. “Okay” It was too early for this shit, he thought.

The glass walls allow him to see, a very familiar figure sitting in front of Fowler’s desk. One silhouette he could recognize everywhere. “Sit down, Gavin” The eyes of someone who was as mortified to see him as well.

Sitting down next to him, Gavin tried his best to not appeared affected by anything. “Tin can, you’re back” He mumbled, looking at the android who was staring at the wall. He looked at him and nodded, Fowler sitting down. “So, since Nines’ period of time is over there in Ohio, is time for him to come back and assist law enforcement, he was your partner before and right now there’s only two people without one, and that’s you, Gavin, and Raymond”

Gavin nodded.

“Before putting you two together and hope for the best, tell me right now if you are willing to work as a team again, because I hate to change partners between cases, it’s unprofessional and honestly, just a bother”

 _Holy shit, what the fuck did I do._ Thought Gavin. He waited, not saying anything, hesitant to say “yes”, he waited for Nines’ answer and depending on that, he would decide how to act.

“If for Detective Gavin is okay, I am willing to work with him once again” Surprised, obviously, he thought Nines would put himself first and ask to work with someone else. _Is still too early for this shit._ He couldn’t help but think.

“Sure, why not?” _Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing._ “As long as he is willing, I got no problem with that either”

“Don’t make me regret my decisions, for god’s sake” Mumbled Fowler, nodding and typing something on his computer. “Nines, Gavin is already working on a case, he will give you the details of the situation and you both will work on it together from now on, got it?”

“Yes, sir” Agreed Gavin, standing up and Nines following him from behind.

Everyone staring at the duo, Gavin’s embarrassment and thoughts were all mixed together. He sat down on his desk and turned his computer to Nines, looking at his blue eyes and pointing at the screen. “Okay, smartass, listen up” He said, appearing as normal as ever. “This is Trevor, a dad of two who was murdered in the Eden Club five days ago…”

Explaining the case was helpful, making him focus on something else, he forgot for a moment who was Nines and what was Nines to him. The android, nodding at everything Gavin explained, limited himself to basic questions of timeline and details of some other things.

“That’s all I have now” Gavin mumbled, turning his computer back to normal, spotting Tina’s stare in the distance, feeling just as mortified as her by the way she looked. “What do you think?”

“The cameras being all blurry can be due to an android’s assistance, the image is corrupted manually, I don’t believe it was like this originally”

“Thought so too” Mumbled Gavin, staring at the pictures again. “Wanna go to the crime scene? I’m trying to interrogate some fellas that were on the club that night, they didn’t pick up my calls tho”

“We must either way, so…” Gavin took his phone out and turned it on, one movement that grabbed Nines’ attention, staring at it. Gavin, realizing that he had blocked his number, wished that Nines didn’t attempt to contact him that weekend.

Of course, Nines would come back to work. If he is in Detroit, what else would he do? Gavin thought.

But the decision of working together was merely individual. He could have said no. But so, could he, but he didn’t. Gavin decided to fuck himself over and over again. And Nines decided that, if he wanted to get closer to Gavin again, he needed to try things with this approach.

No sex, no touching and no flirting before talking like normal people would do. Nines thought.

Gavin called the two witnesses and both picked up. Agreeing for an interview, he managed to get them to the police station, welcoming them and separating them in different rooms. Gavin and Nines walked to the interrogation room, in the other side of the glass, seeing one witness sitting down on the chair, drinking some water Nines had given them.

“You wanna go first?” Asked Gavin to the android whose LED was turning yellow to blue, shaking his head. “Alright, watch and learn”

“Sure”

Gavin’s interrogation techniques were fun to watch. The kind Gavin that tried his best to interact with someone made Nines laugh every time. This time wasn’t different. After a while, when Gavin stood up and opened the door for the witness to go, Nines clapped pleased by his performance, the brunette rolling his eyes, remembering how annoying that was back then.

In the second interrogation, things got heated pretty quickly. The witness implying that Gavin was trying to blame him made the brunette lose his temper as fast as the other man lose his. Yelling. “You fucking cops always blaming me for the shit that someone else do, I told you all I saw man, leave me alone!” And Gavin trying to calm himself down, wasn’t going to last for too long.

“Well, that’s it!” Nines knew what was coming. “If you want me to say I killed a man I—”

“Listen here you _son of a bitch, don’t get smart with me”_ The voice of the brunette losing his shit and the face of some random fella who thought the Police couldn’t yell at a suspect. “If I say your version of events doesn’t add up, then _it doesn’t fucking add up, jackass!”_

And, after that, the voice of the man softened up incredibly. Talking normally to Gavin, who didn’t stop staring at him with the _bitchies_ of looks. Once it ended, Gavin entered the other side of the room and spotted Nines’ already looking at him, smiling and trying not to laugh. “Shut up, don’t give me crap about it”

“He pissed his pants, as soon as you screamed, he froze, that was adorable” Gavin rolled his eyes and took the memory of the camera and got out of the room, Nines following him to the big screen room. Where detectives could reproduce videos or images and analyze them together.

Putting the tape, Nines sat down in the other side of the table, Gavin resting his back onto the chair, they both sat down quiet.

_Awfully quiet._

Writing some notes, exchanging words, everything was still, awfully silent.

_One look, one stare, one thought._

“Do you have the samples of the bullets? Or is it in the—”

“Evidence room, yeah” Nines sighed, and stood up. “I’ll go get it don’t worry” Gavin said, and Nines stood there, watching him go. “I can carry it”

“No, you can’t, it’s heavy” The smirk on Gavin’s face made him feel goosebumps all over his body.

Watching him go, he followed him without thinking.

And Gavin knew he was following him.

Going downstairs, opening the door, he looked through everything, feeling a presence behind him, he let out, finally. “And there I was, telling you I would never contact you again”

“You blocked my number, I assumed you were on board with your idea” Gavin realized. “You have the awful tendency of always thinking ahead and assuming what I—”

“You tried to contact me?” And Nines realized too. “How sweet”

“Your attitude doesn’t fit the miserable expression you had Saturday’s morning” Annoyed, the brunette approached the man who he thought, was mocking him.

“Yours doesn’t fit your desires either” For all Gavin knew, Nines could think Gavin wasn’t even a good lay, at least one worth it since he didn’t sleep with him that night. “Didn’t you say come over and then make me fall asleep?”

“I said forgive me before that”

“And why did you change your mind?” How weak. “If every time I touch you, you turned white” The desperate words of a man whose attitude doesn’t fit his heart. Staring at his blue eyes, he smirked pleased with his reaction. One, he thought, was honest.

Leaning in closer to his lips. He wanted him. He wished he could tell him the truth. Because this way was such a lame excuse. “I wasn’t going to abuse you while you were intoxicated, that could be considerate rape”

“And what about now? What’s stopping you?” The hands of Gavin embrace the man’s neck, looking at his eyes, trying to lure him in. “Or is it maybe _that you don’t want me anymore?”_

Grabbing Gavin’s waist, the desperation of Nines drove him crazy once he heard that. The way this man could bring to the surface his inner thoughts was dangerous. Kissing him, savoring his lips, pressing his back against the wall, Nines drove him closer and closer to the cleaning supply room. Opening the door and getting him in, Gavin’s smirk annoyed him enough for him to want to teach him a lesson.

“That pretty mouth of yours is so fucking annoying” Let out Nines, Gavin attempting to say something else was cut for the hands of a man who wasn’t thinking. “You say you want me, but it took you so long to realize it, am I maybe just the result of your second-hand smoke?”

“Shut—” A strong bite onto the brunette’s neck made him lose control, feeling his legs weaker than ever, he almost fell to the floor, grabbing onto Nines’ black turtle neck, he looked over to his face. The teary eyes of the blue-eyed man that could destroy him at any moment. “Ni—”

“You said you wanted me, right?” Grabbing his legs, Gavin’s feet stopped touching the floor and his back against the wall made it easier for him to see straight into Nines’ face. Gavin’s hand reached out to his neck and attempted to say something. He realized, even if he wanted this, the expression of pain in Nines’ face was awful to see. “Do you still want me?” He covered Gavin’s lips with his, and pressing onto his pants, the brunette feeling the sensation similar as being penetrated made his whole body shake. “You want to be a fucking mess? You want me to make you cry? What do you want? What do you want from me?”

“Not like this!” Yelled the brunette, hiding his face, looking down on the floor. “Why are—”

“That’s what I thought” Leaving him down on the floor, Nines tried to opened the door but was stopped by Gavin, who was holding his sleeve tight, putting his thoughts on words. “What?”

“I am sorry for texting you that, I am sorry for saying shit like that, I was high and I know it’s not excuse, but I’m—”

“I told you, you would regret it” Said Nines, with a miserable expression on his face. “You don’t want me; you just saw me as a quick way to release your pain”

“I don’t want you if the look on your face is that one” Stated Gavin, Nines touching his face, realizing he had been on the verge of tears. “I really—”

“Pity? That’s why you changed your mind?” Turning straight to Gavin, those blue eyes turned bright blue. “If I wasn’t miserable like this, you wouldn’t care and would have sex with me?”

“Maybe, I don’t know!”

 _Just how much of an idiot you are?_ Thought Nines.

“ _Weren’t you the one who told me to go fuck myself and never come back_?” Gavin’s face turned pale. “You told me you didn’t want to see me again, what changed?”

“I don’t know!”

“Didn’t you say I cheated? Didn’t you say I broke your heart?!”

 _“I don’t know, Nines!”_ Yelled at the top of his lungs, feeling his heart breaking again. “I sometimes wonder why! I sometimes wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and why the fuck do I—”

“Did you miss me?” Asked the man, interrupting the brunette’s chaos for a moment. “Do you miss the man that broke your heart?”

“I don’t miss you” Nines frowned, rolling his eyes but nodding. “I really don’t”

 _“Liar”_ Touching his face with one hand that soon turned white, Gavin stared at his eyes, religiously admiring them and their bright blue light. “I wish you could be honest, enough to break my heart”

And with that, he left the room, leaving the brunette standing there, feeling tears coming down his face, not even knowing how. Not even knowing why he was crying. What exactly hurt.

Going upstairs, he realized Tina was waiting for him on the hallway. Staring at her, she knew how bad he cried downstairs. Approaching him, she hugged him tight. Not saying anything, Gavin hugged her trying his best to calm down.

In Nines’ mind, he was cruel. Wanting to teach Gavin a lesson and show him that lust wouldn’t get him anywhere, he wanted to get a single answer out of him. If he ever loved him, would that love be gone already? Just those words. He needed to know if he had still a chance. And the answer was clear.

Gavin still loved him. Just as bad as him.


	3. Bad habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in each other's traps, sex and tears are always not a good combination.

Team work was doable. Both of them were good at pretending. Silence, however, was a mistake they couldn’t afford to make. Because every time the voices in their heads start to make noise, the emotions would confuse both of their minds, making them fall over onto the same memory again.

Late at night, both men were walking on the street, leaving the crime scene of the Eden Club for Nines to reconstruct the events, Gavin tried his best to not say anything stupid there. The decorations were obscene and that made him laugh. He spotted a bar opened, and thinking that, maybe with some alcohol he could talk things out with the man next to him, he asked.

“Would you join me?” Pointing at the bar, Nines looked at it and then looked at Gavin. “There’s drinks for androids too, you know”

“They taste horrible, I don’t know why anyone would like them, besides, the drunk effect they give is terribly light” Gavin let out some giggles, but accepted that response as a yes.

Walking over the bar, they both ordered some drinks. Sitting on the back of the bar, next to the bathrooms because Gavin hated to walk to the other side of the bar to have a pee, they sat down and started talking. The brunette’s efforts of discussing the project were soon erased when, at midnight, they both realized mocking each other was funny enough to lose track of time. When their concerns of their relationship were gone, their true self and desires came to light. Nines’ laughing at Gavin’s attempts of being kind with people, Gavin mocking Nines’ monotone expression and voice when he needed to interrogate someone.

“That white jacket doesn’t suit you at all, dude” Mumbled Gavin, realizing he had been wearing something different every day. “Glad you took it out”

“I thought you liked it, you never said anything about it” Replied Nines, shaking his head, laughing. “Besides, you never cared about what I was wearing”

“Why would I care? You’ll end up naked in the end”

The sun was gone, their eyes were staring at each other with something on their minds. Gavin’s shoe hit Nines’ leg, making him stare.

“It’s getting late, I have to go”

“I’ll accompany you if you don’t mind, you’re drunk and can get lost if I don’t keep my eye on you”

 _“Oh, come on”_ Mumbled Gavin, laughing, drinking his last drink. “If you keep doing shit that like, I’m going to start thinking you really care for me”

“When did I say I didn’t?”

The bad habits of a man who can’t get him out of his head. He followed him home.

The bad habits of the android whose only weak point had a smile on his face, opening the door, inviting him to come over.

After that day at the cleaning room, Gavin couldn’t stop thinking of the sensation that filled his body every time he kissed him. His hands covering his body, lifting him up and biting him. Something familiar struck his mind, and the eyes full of tears were replaced with ones full of lust.

“If you were human, I would think you are hungry” Gavin said, chuckling and taking off his jacket, throwing it on the sofa.

“What makes you think I don’t?”

Oh, sweet little souls.

“Do you want me to cover you with blankets, or why did you invite me?”

“Oh! Did I?” Asked the brunette, walking over to Nines, smiling like a fox. “I thought you were the one who walked over my apartment, I never said come in”

“I can always leave”

“Yeah…” Gavin mumbled, grabbing the ends of the other’s shirt. “You could, or, you can always _stay”_

“You’re—” Tried saying Nines, but got lost in the eyes full of lust of the brunette. “Intoxicated”

 _“I’m intoxicating_ ” 

Kissing him, Nines fell to the sofa and Gavin decided to tied him down by sitting on his legs. Feeling his hands exploring every part of his body, taking out his shirt, Gavin unzipping the other’s pants. The urge. Increasing. Neither of them thinking of the consequences of tomorrow. Not remembering their true desires. Idiots thinking the other doesn’t know what they want.

“I want you” Let out the brunette, breaking the kiss that was suffocating him. “Please”

“You want me to what?” Asked Nines, waiting, hopefully, the answer he craved.

“Fuck me?” But that answer was good enough too.

“My pleasure”

Gavin took off his pants as soon as he heard his response. Nines laughing for the hurry, he prepared himself to do what he knew best. Screw his man over, over and over again. Inviting Gavin to sit down, he nodded cheerfully. Laughing, the feeling of penetration made him crumble onto Nines’ body. Smiling, smelling Gavin’s neck, he started trusting, grabbing the hips of the one who was begging to never stop.

What a warm sensation. What a loss cause.

“I missed this” Mumbled Gavin between the trusts, not getting enough of Nines’ smell. Of the strength that the man had that drove him insane. “I—”

“So, _you did miss me_ ” Those words echoed in Gavin’s mind, he knowing god damn well.

 _“Fuck off”_ Because the realization of denigrating himself fucking with the man that supposedly cheated on him made him lose his mind. The jealousy, the desire of making him his. For him to erase the traces of the one that supposedly took him. Biting into Nines’ shoulder, he heard him moan and continued. The hands of Nines grabbing harder his hips, he could tell Nines was _angry._

 _“Admit It”_ Nines demanded, Gavin closing his eyes, trying to ignore him the best way he could. “You missed me?”

_“Shut up!”_

Lifting him up, putting him against the sofa, his legs on the air, Nines’ hand on the upper part of the sofa, now, him imprisoning the brunette, he made it so that he could _stare_ at his eyes and hope for him to lie again. “Agh—” Moaning, Gavin was losing his mind, Nines trusting merciless and making him come, not waiting a moment for him to cool off, Gavin’s chest dirty because of himself, Nines’ hands reached his face, making him see him. Forcing eye contact and more than anything, _honesty_.

“Tell me” He said, slowing down a little, seeing Gavin’s head rocking on the sofa. “You missed me, didn’t you?”

“Why do you care so much?” He asked, trying not to cum again, extremely sensitive. “Y—you were the one wh—” Nines frowned, listening carefully to his words. _“You left me”_

Lifting him up, he moved him around like he didn’t weight at all. Laying him down on the big sofa, he made him look right into his eyes, penetrating him again, the brunette’s legs on his shoulders. “You broke up with me, didn’t you?” Nines was losing himself on the wrong direction. “You told me you didn’t want to see me again, that you wouldn’t contact me again, and then—”

“You said yes to working with me, _you_ decided it was the right ch—” The hard trust that Nines, purposely, gave him made him cut out in the middle of the sentence, staring at him, he was also getting angry. “ _It’s your god damn fault_ , that we don’t have each other _like this anymore!”_

“You say that like you wished we were together again” Comply Nines, sitting down again and making him ride him back. Grabbing his waist as hard as he could, looking at his eyes, teary for the pleasure and pain. Gavin’s moans were making him lose his mind. And the feeling of numbness that the alcohol gave them was almost gone. They were conscious, they knew what was happening. But they couldn’t resist. “What is it?” Asked Nines, seeing tears falling down Gavin’s face. “What is it?!” Making him lose his mind too.

“Because _I do, god dammit!”_ His blue eyes turned bright blue, his hands, that were white by the touch with the brunette’s skin started glowing as well. His LED turning orange. Everything was falling apart, and the beautiful face of the man he loved was now, tearing up for their past mistakes. _“Fuck—you don’t know how bad—I want you back”_

Hugging him, Gavin hided his face on his shoulder and Nines’ hand reached out for his hair, caressing it carefully. Trying to put back the pieces together of his broken heart. The tight hug, in Gavin’s mind, was all he ever wanted. For him to melt in his man’s arms, to forget about the past and start again. He wished he could forgive him. “ _Please_ ” He wished he could erase the memories of that night. “Tell me it didn’t happened, tell me it was—tell me whatever you want, _but please”_

Nines didn’t know.

_“I fucking hate you”_

How to make sense with this man who refused to believe him before.

“I never, once, cheated on you” Nines mumbled, still, hugging him. Thinking that maybe this way, he would listen. “I never did—”

 _“I know what I saw, Nines!”_ Gavin struggled to break free from his embrace, standing up, naked, his heart started breaking apart, again. “You can’t come here and tell me you didn’t sleep with him that weekend, didn’t think I was coming back sooner than expected?!”

“Gavin”

 _“No, shut up!”_ Yelled the man, crying hysterical. Nines completely calm, he saw the man falling to pieces. _“You were naked! He was naked! You were in our bed and he was in the bathroom, hiding! What else is there to think?!”_

“That maybe he was showering and I lay down naked most of the time?!” Gavin turned his back, cleaning himself with his shirt, he put on his jacket and pants, fast enough. Nines stood up and attempted to talk, again. “Please, listen to me just one—”

“I don’t wanna hear shit!” Nines’ lights started to be awfully strong. Making Gavin worried, he had never seen him like that before. “What the fuck?”

“Leave” Demanded the android, whose skin was retracting all white, his whole body white. “ _Now_ ”

One loud sound, the door closing, made him fall to the floor, and cry. He knew about the rumors before, Gavin tried his best to not pay attention to them, but the thought never left his mind. That weekend he had to travel to Minnesota, and Nines offered one detective, a friend of his, to stay at his place while his house was being renovated. Having some drinks, Nines lay down on his bedroom naked, feeling comfortable in his own bed. Waiting for his man to come back home tomorrow afternoon. However, Gavin arrived earlier, and when he opened the door, he spotted the man coming out the bathroom with a towel on his waist. Cursing at the man, he made him leave. And then, the conversation with Nines wasn’t more than yelling and cursing. He couldn’t explain himself. Gavin wouldn’t let him. And he was done.

At the end, Gavin said the words that ended their relationship, packing up his clothes and telling him he would move out as soon as possible. Living with Tina in the meantime.

“How hard it is for you?” Asked Nines, covering his face on the sofa. “To just listen?”

The next day, they didn’t talk at all. Working on the same case was terrible. They couldn’t avoid each other, but weren’t willing to talk about anything. Tina aware of the situation tried to approach one of them, but soon realized neither was willing to talk.

“Reed” They heard, suddenly, a detective approaching the man. “You got my text?”

“I don’t have my phone, it broke” He mumbled. “What is it anyway?”

“I asked you if you wanted to hang out later” Said the woman, laughing. “There’s a new sushi place nearby, I thought we could get some”

“Sure” Nines’ LED turned orange, but managed to hide his face. “That sounds nice”

“Alright then” Leaving and waving goodbye, Gavin’s inner thoughts were of pure malice. He knew Nines was there and obviously was going to listen to their conversation. The lust of yesterday sure had cause some jealousy here and there.

“If you got some fucking time to go and fuck around, better check your suspects, because I cleared every single one of them” And surely enough, Nines’ reaction was as expected. Leaving the folder on his desk, Gavin stared at him and bite his lips, tense. The blue-eyed man stood up and left him there. Grabbing the white jacket Gavin didn’t like, he put it on and left.

Making Gavin sighed and close his eyes. “You seem to get along pretty well” He heard Tina saying, sitting down on Nines’ desk.

“Shut up, I’m not in the mood”

“Gavin, we need to talk”

“No, we don’t, it doesn’t concern you”

“It does when you are hurt”

“Well, I don’t want to talk”

“Gavin” She said, in a more serious tone. “You need to listen finally, _what happened that day”_

“Well, I’m the one in this shit, if I say I don’t wa—” Tina’s fist hit the desk and everyone looked around to see what was happening. _“He was willing to prove his memory for me to see what happened, and If I tell you nothing happened, is because I saw with my own eyes what he saw that day”_ Gavin’s heart stopped. “Every time I tried to tell you something so simple, you would lose your mind” She stood up. “If you don’t hurry up, you’ll lose him too”


	4. Last dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming to a no return point, they both realize, if it isn't now, it will be over.

That night, Gavin was having dinner with some girl. He knew her pretty well and actually really enjoyed her company. Having fought with Tina in the morning made it a little difficult for him to enjoy the night, but overall, it was being pleasant. He, however, couldn’t stop thinking of what Tina said to him. 

_“He was willing to prove his memory for me”_

For androids, proving their memory was one of the most painful experiences they went through. He knew that because Nines told him a long time ago. And, just thinking of him doing it for Tina to see he wasn’t lying made him feel stupid.

Maybe because he was.

He refused to listen to her, because of, maybe, shame. Of having taking things too far. Of having to apologize to the man he loved. To the man he urgently, needed to have.

After some minutes, they decided to go to a club and dance. Gavin was alright as long as she didn’t try anything. He wasn’t willing to flirt with a girl in that situation, and he knew accepting her invitation of going out could be misinterpreted. Still, he was confident he could stop things if they start to get heated. As stereotypical as it goes, his social skills weren’t good enough without alcohol, so going to the club was a good idea.

Entering the club, the girl grabbed him to the dance floor, and Gavin’s sober skills of dance made her laugh, he trying his best to not run away from there, decided to hold her and move around slowly. She, actually, thinking their night was about to end in the right direction, let him do what he was doing.

In the same club, however, was a man trying to distract himself looking around and laughing at a stranger’s life story. Some random man who approached him and started telling him his whole life, making Nines laugh at some parts.

The girl, who desired to have the brunette’s body on her bed.

The man, who desired to have the android’s company for longer.

Walking upstairs. The brunette sat down with the girl on some sofas that were covered by the blue LED’S light. Ordering some snacks, his friend started asking some personal questions he didn’t mind answering.

“What brought you to be a Detective?” She asked, and Gavin looked away thinking of his answer, looking through his past. Spotting, however, in the blurry distance, blue eyes that were recognizable everywhere. “Nines” He responded, saying out loud what he was seeing.

“Nines?” She looked to where Gavin’s eyes laid, spotting Nines too. “Oh! He’s here, wanna go say hi? He’s your pal”

_Oh, well._

Walking to them, out of curiosity, he wanted to see who was the man he was talking to. As soon as they approach them, Nines’ expression changed abruptly, seeing Gavin next to their colleague, she smiling oblivious to the situation.

“Hey guys!” She said, smiling at the man whose LED was turning yellow. “How’s it going?”

“Hello, are they your friends?” Asked the man, and Nines nodded, smiling, giving his best to appear calm. “Oh, more cops on the club? That sounds interesting”

“Don’t say cops out loud in a club, someone might stab the shit out of me” Said Gavin, sitting down next to his friend, between the stranger man. “What’re you talking about?” Nines looked directly into his eyes, questioning why was Gavin in the same club and more than anything, why did he sit down with them.

“I was telling Nines about how I dropped out of school of physics to become an artist, and how there’s a lot of potheads in my apartment” Gavin nodded, really not paying attention to him, but Nines.

“What about you? What were you doing together?” Asked Nines all of sudden, making the woman, whose name was Veronica, interrupt and answer.

“We went to eat sushi and came here to drink a little” Gavin nodded, regretting his life choices. “But then Gavin saw you and—”

“She suggested we could come and say hello” Interrupted Gavin Veronica’s sentence, trying to not sound compromised. “Wanna drink something? Or are you both just chatting”

“I invited your friend some drinks, but he declined my offer, so…” Nines giggle and smile at the man.

“I don’t like when people invite me things, that’s all” Gavin remembered last night and how he didn’t hesitate to have some drinks with him. Remembering he was the one who pay at the end.

“Liar” Mumbled Gavin, Nines’ LED turning yellow again.

When the music got loud enough for them to scream at each other to listen, Gavin and Nines were paying attention to their every move. Veronica talking to the man, engaging in conversation more than she was engaging with her “date”, the man asked her to go and dance with him. “I was going to ask Gavin first” She said, Gavin coming back to reality. “Come on, I like that song”

“Ah—no, you saw how bad I am dancing—”

“Come on man, the girl wants you, don’t ghost her like this” _This stupid son of a bitch,_ Gavin thought.

“Alright, yeah…” Standing up, looking at Veronica’s eyes, intoxicated, he followed her to the dance floor upstairs. One that had less light than the one downstairs, filled with steam. Grabbing onto Veronica’s waist, he looked how her hands were exploring his back. The smirk on the girl’s face reminds him of the weakness one had when staring at someone you like. Because those eyes, he knew them, he recognized them as soon as he saw them.

Dancing, Nines heard one question coming out of the man’s mouth.

“You like her too?” Looking back at the man, he frowned confused. “You’re eating that man alive with your eyes, that, or you like that man”

“What makes you say that I’m eating him?” The giggle on the stranger’s face made him question his own expression, thinking to himself how hard his emotions were taking over his expression.

“Well,” He got closer to Nines’ ear, whispering. “You know android’s LEDs change colors when they’re stressed?”

The reality took over him, realizing his LED was bright red and that was making some people stare. The man offered his hat to cover Nines’ LED, and he accepted it right away. Making the light disappear from plain sight. “So, which one is it my friend?”

“Either way, it’s impossible” He responded, looking down on the floor, trying to ignore them slow dancing. “They think I’m a heartless monster, an inconsistent monster who just sees them as nothing else but a toy”

“And are you?” Nines shook his head. “What did you that makes them think that?”

“They think I cheated, and that broke their hearts” The man nodded, understanding of the situation. “But they confuse me, first saying they want me far away from their lives, and then contacting me when they feel weak or in need, even if I love _him,_ he won’t listen to what I have to say”

“Our hearts are really tricky, you see” The man whispered close to his ear. “Our brain tries to keep us safe, but when our hearts desire something our brain think is deathly, we end up making decisions as irrational as _theirs”_ He said, ignoring that single detail, respecting the android’s wishes. “Because, you know, even machines like you, equipped with the latest technologies, end up listening to your hearts, that means… the strongest and deathliest force we have inside of us, will always come out of our hearts”

“Then, what should I do if I think I’m bad for them? If I think I’ve hurt them and their true desires are for me to stay away?”

“Son, you’re confusing everything” The man said, laughing at his face. “Their brain thinks you are the bad guy, but their heart knows you are not capable of hurting them, so they decide to still, deep down, love you”

“Should I just wait?” Nines asked. “For them to make up their minds? Or should I—”

“If I was you, I would go down and stop _him_ from leaving with that girl, because she was trying to kiss him so bad, I was getting uncomfortable just by watching them” Looking away at where Gavin was earlier, he looked at the man who just smiled and took a sip of his drink, taking out his hat and giving it back, he just nodded. “Good luck”

Not running, but walking as fast as he could downstairs, he tried to spot Gavin’s whereabouts and located his jacket going closer to the bathrooms. A cold sensation came through his body, making him feel an anger he hadn’t felt in a very long time. After reading Gavin’s expression upstairs, he could think he would be forced to do something he didn’t want to.

In any case, the thought of him having someone else made him feel sick, but, since their relationship was over, he knew he couldn’t grab Gavin from the neck and yelled at him why he was with someone else.

And that made him realize the urge of wanting to cry.

Walking slowly through the club, he saw Gavin talking to Veronica outside the bathroom, she whispering something only Nines could hear from that distance. “No one will know, people fuck in there all the time”

“I still don’t think is a good idea” Insisted the brunette, the girl rolling her eyes, laughing at his face.

“Wanna come to my place, then?”

“Ah—I don’t know, my dog is waiting for me at home”

 _“Gavin”_ Heard the man struggling to get out of that situation. “Your landlord called me and asked you to go and check on your apartment, apparently someone broke in”

“Son of a bitch, really?!” Nines nodded, Veronica stepping back, staring confused at the android whose eyes were fulminating her. “Fuck, sorry Vicky” Looking at the girl whose face was motionless, she nodded and let the man go. Nines and her exchanging one look and then, turning his back on her, and then, coming out of the club, seeing Gavin run to his car and grab his keys, desperate to go home.

“You know, no one was really breaking into your house” Nines mumbled, approaching him and making him frowned even harder than Veronica just now.

“What? Then wh—”

“You’re terrible at saying no to everyone else but me” Said Nines, shaking his head, letting out defeated giggles. “Anyway, go home or the charade will fail”

“You didn’t have to do that, I could have break from that situation myself” Nines just nodded, and Gavin responded annoyed. “It’s true! I don’t fucking need you, dipshit”

“I never said you needed me, I just helped a _friend”_ He responded, remembering their first texts. “You know, I’ve been thinking about you and me, and what I should really do to give you the peace that you want”

“Oh yeah?” Asked the brunette, confused as to where this conversation could go. “And what did you end up concluding?”

“You know now that I still love you” He said, with no shame. “And I know that you still love me” Gavin didn’t deny it. “But if I want to make you happy, like I truly want, I have to wait until you feel like listening to me, until then it’s useless, everything we do is useless”

“What do you mean?”

“Sleeping together, teasing each other waiting a single reaction to come out of us, is all useless at the end, I still don’t have what I want, and you still hurt” Mumbled Nines, looking down feeling all his emotions flowing through him, for facing the truth. For facing Gavin. “But I’m sorry” And to give himself some space. “I can’t keep waiting for you to listen to me, is exhausting, is painful”

“It is to me as well, you know!” Reply Gavin, Nines nodding in understanding.

“And because of that you were the one to first say you were going to stay away from me” The thought hit Gavin like a truck. “If I want things to work out, I need you to listen to your heart more and be honest with yourself, about me, about you, about what you want” His LED turned red, Gavin’s insides burning from the thought of Tina’s words.

“Are you giving up on us?”

“You gave up on me first”

That he was losing him too.

“I—I’m not trying to make you wait or anything, I’m trying to make up my mind and—”

“I know, but you can’t force me to not feel pain while you’re doing that” Nines replied. “If I broke your heart, why did you contact me that night?”

“Because I missed you” Gavin had no other choice but be honest. “I really did”

“You were high, weren’t you?” He nodded. “That day in the cleaning room, when I was giving you what you said wanted, why didn’t you let me have sex with you there?”

“Because you looked miserable”

“When I told you I still loved you, and guarantee you that I didn’t cheat, never, why did you screamed and run away instead of facing what I need to tell you?”

“Because—” There was this hole on his head, trying to fill itself with some sort of answer he couldn’t find. “Because I—I was confused”

“Was?” The brunette nodded. “How come?”

“I—” Preparing himself to tell the truth, the overwhelming reality shut him down. “Tina… she told me—” Closing his eyes, he sighed. “Tina—”

“Gavin? What are you still doing here?” He heard Veronica coming, Gavin jumping surprised. “Your house?”

“I was asking Nines if he would come with me and help me beat his ass” He responded, telling the first thing that came out of his mind.

 _“But I said no,_ so go” Nines mumbled. “Good luck with that” Walking away, Gavin’s fists were pressing onto each other for the urge of screaming _don’t go._

But he had no other choice but get into his car and drive home.


	5. Now or never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surely, all he needed was to listen.

Once the brunette arrived at his building, he stopped there, smoking cigarettes on his car, lost on his thoughts. Opening the door of his apartment, he noticed a little bag of weed down on the floor. Taking it, thinking to himself this was the best option today, he sat down on the floor and turned on some music in the background with his phone.

“What is about me?” He whispered. “Am I missing something?” He looked at the little bag. “That night…” He mumbled to himself. “What was going through my head?”

_The desires._

“That made feel so powerful?”

_The pain._

“I’m stupid enough to let him go”

_The truth._

“But what the fuck am I doing now?”

Hearing what he needed to hear after so long, he stopped himself from smoking whatever was in there and stood up. “I’m tired”

Taking his keys, he closed the door and ran to his car, driving to the one place he knew he had to be.

Getting out of the car, parking poorly next to a side walk, he ran to the door and knocked twice. Waited for a response and hoped that Nines was already there. “Fuck, god dammit” Walking outside again, he stood next to his car, looking around to see whenever Nines came back.

Taking deep breaths, closing his eyes and waiting for the right moment. He saw in the distance the body of a man walking towards the building. Soon after that, the man stopped to look at him, quiet.

“What are you doing here?” Gavin approached him and, biting his lips, he mumbled.

“Can I come in?”

“Are you high?” He shook his head. “I see”

“Please?” He had a hard time saying no to the brunette, so, he let him in.

Once they were sitting on Nines’ living room. He waited, looking at Gavin staying in silence and think to himself what to do next. “So? What are you doing here?”

“I need to tell you something” He let out, clumsily, a voice crack coming out. “Tina told me about you proving your memory to her” Nines surprised expression told him enough to know, it was truth. “I was told… multiple times, that I was an idiot and my pride was bigger than my brain”

“That’s a clever statement” Nines whispered, Gavin nodding. “So… you listened to somebody else instead of me?”

“I want to listen to you; I want to be honest too” He admitted. “Because I can’t keep doing this anymore”

“Doing what?”

“Hope to not feel scared when I’m high” Responded Gavin. “I don’t need that, and I want you to see that I still want and think the same things that I say I do when I’m intoxicated”

“Why did you change your mind so suddenly?” Nines asked, curious of the reason why this man, who was never honest and willing to listen, behave like a scolded puppy.

“It wasn’t suddenly” He said. “I never stopped thinking about…” Pause. “What we could have if I acted differently that day”

The silence between the two men was suffocating to Gavin, who needed an answer to feel confident enough and continue. He didn’t know if Nines was willing to talk. If he felt the same way as he did before. If he was willing to fix everything.

“What stopped you from reaching out to me then?” Asked Nines, confused.

“The fear of you not answering back” Let out Gavin. “I didn’t know what to say either, I felt confused” He sighed. “I wanted to yell and ask why did you broke my heart, and at the same time, I just wanted you to come back home”

“I would come back home if you asked me like this” Nines covered his face with his hands. “I would have, you just had to ask”

“I wasn’t—It was difficult”

“I understand” Responded the blue-eye man. “I know exactly how you felt”

Looking at his eyes, Gavin noticed the painful and miserable expression on the man’s face. Similar to the one in the cleaning room.

“Every single night was a nightmare” Admitted the man. “But I didn’t know if you were willing to take me back and listen”

Gavin knew this was all his fault. For closing his heart once he felt betrayed. For torturing his mind with scenarios that didn’t happened but the thought of it made him lose his mind. “And I wished I would have tried harder but I—”

“You tried” Recognize Gavin. “You really did try, I know you did, I don’t doubt it” Nines felt a strange sensation of peace. With those words, the last guilt he had was erased.

“Part of why you changed your mind is because of Tina, isn’t it?” Gavin nodded. “I see”

Standing up, he went to his studio, leaving the brunette in the living room, confused but silent. When he came back, a little artefact that Gavin knew was for androids’ presentations of memory was brought to Gavin’s eyes. Nines left it in the table and kneeling down in front of the man, he touched the artefact and soon, his hand turned white, the artefact lighting the room with a screen made Gavin jump from the visuals.

“I don’t like you listening to somebody else instead of me, so here” Right when Gavin was about to stop him and say it wasn’t necessary, Nines’ eyes turned white and the screen of the little artefact projected one memory Gavin was very familiar to.

He saw Nines’ LED turning red and the memories passing by the screen made the man feel even more stupid. He could see everything, and yet, there he was, yelling and cursing at his lover who was, anxiously, waiting for him to come home.

 _“Oh my god”_ Looking at the screen, he lost himself in the bits of memory Nines could show him. Seeing all he needed, Nines let go of the artefact and his eyes went back to the blue beautiful color they had. Falling on the sofa, Gavin helped him stand up, seeing his face turning white and going back to normal in a couple of seconds.

 _“You didn’t have to do that!”_ Yelled the brunette, Nines shaking his head, chuckling, weak, at the man’s face. “I’m serious! I was willing to just listen!”

“I needed you to see it” He responded. “I needed you to believe me”

 _“I believe you!”_ Yelled Gavin, hugging the man, tight. Nines, gasping surprised, hugged him back. “Coming here wasn’t for you to prove your memory to me, it was for me to say something!” The giggles of Nines made Gavin confused. “What?”

“Months ago, I would never though you would be here begging _me_ to listen to you” He said. “I am willing to listen to you, all the time, that has never changed”

“Because—” Gavin tried to say. “I don’t—I thought it was getting to a point where… a point of no return”

“What?” Nines let go of the man, looking at his face. “Why?”

“I though I was really going to lose, _for good”_

The raw honesty of the man in front of him made him remember why he loved him so much. When Gavin’s heart talked, the words coming out of his mouth were all he wanted to hear. Music to his ears. “I really don’t want that”

“So, you were hoping I still loved you the night you texted me, right?” Gavin nodded. “Was being high an excuse of some kind?”

“Probably” He said. “Because I knew what I was doing, I just didn’t _fear_ the consequences”

“What would the consequences be?”

_“For us to still not be together”_

“Uh—you stupid _idiot_ ” Grabbing the man’s face, he lean in to kiss him, finally, with the urge that he no longer could hold. Gavin’s eyes closed as slowly as he accepted the fact, that Nines was as desperate of being together as him.

Smiling, he felt Nines’ hands grabbing his waist as closer as it could get. Their lips, dancing with each other, soon started to feel a burning sensation on their hearts. A single thought coming through their minds, and both, in syntony, laughed at each other when they realized their bodies were, unconsciously, bringing them to somewhere else. “We’re helpless” Mumbled Nines, Gavin losing his mind and laughing as hard as he could, infecting Nines as well. “What are we doing?”

“You started it!” Yelled the brunette, making the other nod between giggles. “What the hell man, give me some time to think about it at least…”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t—” Feeling a force grabbing his face to the other’s lips stopped him from finishing his line. “Time?”

“I thought about it already” He whispered, still touching his lips, smiling at his face. “I can’t think of any other way we could end this night”

“Do you really like to play chess this much?”

“You fucking idiot”

Covering each other’s bodies with their fingers, the sensation felt familiar. This time, the burning pain inside their bodies was gone. Just the burning desire and love made them realize how hard they loved each other. Thinking about the months being apart, they couldn’t get enough.

Holding each other, naked, smiling every now and then when someone made a stupid comment, it felt nostalgic, and yet, the happiness was overwhelming.

Holding Gavin’s legs closer to him, penetrating the man like he only knew, seeing his expressions change and switch between each other. The lustful smile the brunette had when Nines caressed his skin with his fingers, all of that.

He couldn’t get enough of that.

“What is it?” Mumbled Gavin, seeing the blue eyes of Nines glowing suddenly. “What is it?”

“I don’t know” He whispered, falling onto the man’s body, hugging him, hiding his face on his shoulder. “I feel strange”

“What is going through your head?” Gavin’s fingers caressed his hair, closing his eyes, feeling Nines still inside of him made it difficult for him to talk normally.

“I’m scared this will all disappear tomorrow” Whispered the man, making Gavin shake his head, hugging him tight. “Promise me, you will still be here tomorrow”

“I promise” He heard.

“Promise you won’t need drugs to contact me anymore” Gavin laughed and Nines did so too. Staring at each other’s eyes, Nines came closer to his face and kissed him again.

“Now or never” Let out Gavin, Nines sitting on the bed, lifting the brunette’s body and sat on his legs. Moaning softly onto Nines’ ears. “I promise”

“Good boy” He said, making the man chuckle and feeling Nines’ hands holding his hips.

“Shut up” He whispered, hugging the blue-eyed man.

The night, peaceful, came to an end. Nines’ fingers playing with Gavin’s hair while he slept. Seeing his body, naked, on his bed, was the view the, for a long time, missed. Kissing his shoulder softly he smiled and closed his eyes, hugging him, Gavin rested his head onto his chest. Nines arms embracing him like a gift. “Finally,” Nines whispered. “It’s not lonely anymore”.

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is inspired by "Xanny" of Billie Eillish, go listen to it!


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